The end of a relationship is never easy. Breakups are filled with raw emotions, including everything from hurt and betrayal to anger and sadness. But, just because heartbreak may feel like the end of the world, the reality is that the pain and anguish you feel right now is only temporary. Eventually, you’ll be able to move on—and one day you’ll find love again.
In fact, research indicates that it takes about 11 weeks to feel better after a dating relationship ends, according to a study published in The Journal of Positive Psychology. Meanwhile, a separate study found that it may take up to 18 months to heal if it’s a marriage that ends. Either way, neither situation goes on forever.
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How to Get Through a Breakup
Getting over someone has a lot more to do with how you think about the breakup, your ex, and even yourself, than it does following trying to erase the pain you are feeling. Consequently, as you navigate the muddy waters of your breakup, you need to continually remind yourself that this is a process, not a destination.
1. Take Your Time
Getting over an ex is a process. It is not something you can rush through. What’s more, you should avoid rebound dating at all costs. While going out immediately after a breakup may put a band-aid on your pain, it won’t cure it. And as hard as it might be, you have to face your feelings and deal with them in honest and effective ways.
2. Allow Yourself to Feel
No one enjoys experiencing pain. But the fact of the matter is, you have to allow yourself to feel if you are going to heal. Ignoring your feelings, pretending like they don’t exist, or trying to numb them in some way, is only going to set back your recovery. Be honest about the hurt, pain, and rejection you are feeling. There is no shame in being sad.
3. Ask for Help
It’s rare that people come to a decision to end the relationship at the same time. So, when a breakup occurs, one side is usually shocked and hurt. Consequently, these feelings of shock, rejection, hurt, and even betrayal can be difficult to navigate, especially alone.
4. Remove Your Ex From Social Media
Nothing will set your healing back more than stalking your ex on social media. Every time you see a post with their smiling face, it will be like ripping a scab off the wound. The bleeding and pain start all over again. So, unfollow them and remove them from all your accounts.
5. Avoid Drunk Communication
Nothing’s worse than getting drunk and texting or calling your ex to ask what went wrong. Usually, when people are intoxicated, they lose their filter and you are likely to say some things that you will regret in the morning. For this reason, you may want to remove your ex’s contact information from your phone and delete their email account from your computer. Better yet, avoid drinking excessively all together.
6. View the Relationship Honestly
Take an objective look at what the relationship was really like. To do this, you will have to stop idealizing your ex and stop dwelling on the good memories and experiences. While it is natural to look at the past through rose-colored glasses, it is not reality
7 Take Care of Yourself
Just because your partner has ended a relationship does not mean that you are unworthy or unlovable. As a result, you need to focus not on what you might have done wrong, but instead focus on what you can do to feel better in the moment. This might mean taking time every day to pamper yourself in some way.
8. Rediscover Who You Are
If your identity was so wrapped up in your relationship with your ex, now is a perfect time to rediscover who you are. Find out who you are outside the context of the relationship. Rushing to fill the void you are experiencing without knowing who you are and what you want is a huge mistake. It’s also a recipe for disaster and ultimately more heartache.
9 Let Go of Anger and Blame
Holding on to anger, resentment, and blame is not healthy. It will eat you up inside. Instead, focus on letting go of your anger and blame. Remind yourself that forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about freeing yourself from being tied to your ex. When you hold onto anger and resentment, or if you blame your ex for the breakup, these feelings keep you tethered to them. And, you cannot heal as long as you’re still connected—even if the emotions connecting you are negative.
10.Journal Your Thoughts and Feelings
Sometimes it’s helpful to pour out your heart with pen and paper. In fact, it can be downright cathartic to journal your thoughts. So, grab a journal and start writing. You may even want to write a letter to your ex expressing all your thoughts and feelings. Just don’t send it. The simple process of writing out how you feel as if you are talking to them is very healing on its own.
11. Turn It Into a Positive
Contrary to popular belief, a breakup does not have to be a bad thing. They actually can be a good thing, especially if you are no longer in a toxic relationship. So, instead of focusing on the negatives surrounding the breakup, look for ways to turn it into a positive.
12 Remember There Are Others Out There
As hard as it might be to see this right now, you will have another relationship—if you want one. You can meet new people and date again. Do not allow yourself to fall into the trap of believing that this person was your soul mate and now you will be alone forever.
A Word From Verywell
Eventually, you will be back out there dating again if you want to be. And, even if you choose not to, that’s fine too. You are never be defined by your relationships. You have the same value and worth in life regardless of whether you are in a relationship or doing life alone. You matter and make a difference in the world. Never forget that.
Olalekan Awodehinde is a seasoned investigative reporter. He is currently an editor @Afronaijanews.com and also a social media strategist, writer, freelancer.
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